Because life is not perfect, today is one of those days that I feel as if nothing I am doing is serving my purpose. Today, I just feel so lost. I have a lot of things to do, but nothing can stop me from procrastinating today. Because when your soul isn’t in what you’re doing, nothing in the world can ever force you to do it.
At least not for me.
This is one of those days when I feel that there’s something enormous missing in my life. My soul is thirsty, and hungry. I have not done anything lately that feeds my soul because I have been swamped with a lot of things to do, that basically pays the bill, but does not necessarily makes me feel happy.
I’ve noticed that whenever you skipped doing this for your life, the practice of nourishing your soul, whether intentionally or unintentionally, at some point, you will feel burnt-out, or just feel empty. I have already written a similar post about feeding your soul in this blog, but somehow, I forgot to put what I have written to practice.
In the midst of an unfinished spreadsheet, that’s been waiting for me for almost a week already (it’s done. just doing a bit of revision) , 2 researches (1 finally done) and another one in its initial stages, ( who gets excited writing about surgical stockings or compression socks anyway?) and a homepage that has been revised for more than a couple of times (yes, even exceeding my free edits, but not that it matters), and a stack of graphics to be done in Canva, I wanted to do something today that nourishes my soul.
One of the things that I love doing aside from reading and writing and I know can somehow lift me up when I feel down is singing. I know I do not have the best voice in the world, but for my fans, my children of course, I have the best singing voice that can lull them to sleep.
And so, because I have a VIP subscription to Smule Karaoke, it’s my “to-do” thing when I feel down. And considering I have recorded more than what is embedded here, I realized I do feel down many times more than I am aware of.
I don’t really care what people think. I am confident though, even if my voice had changed over the years, that I can still carry a tune. I used to join singing contests when I was younger and managed to win a few. One contest that I won was a duet with a classmate in high school, as representatives of our school for the PRISAA. We ended up winning second place, because there were only 2 sets of contestants, the other set was the host school representatives. Who do you expect to win?
Before that, I managed to place second in a solo singing contest for the Linggo ng Wika. I was the contestant because my other classmates who were always joining the contests wanted somebody else to join that year, sort of like “giving chance to others.” I forgot why or how they choose me, I sure did not volunteer. I didn’t really expected to win.
Because I did not have the resources and the place to practice. But for that I was grateful, because it gave me the confidence to do something that was out of my comfort zone.In Taiwan, I was able to sing for a band, which after only 1 set of performance in a British Pub called Pig & Whistle, we disbanded. Yes, because apparently my band mates were not really allowed to moonlight as singers/entertainers because they were bound to a contract. They were at risk of breaching their contracts.
But the drummer, our band leader did looked for me years after when we were both here in the Philippines, because he wanted someone to sing for a new band he was trying to form. Did I really sounded that good for him to go looking for me? Unfortunately, the day he came to my office, I was on leave for a week because I just came out of the hospital recuperating.
When I think back on the times of how I was supposed to be singing in a band somewhere in another country, it fills me with so much regret. To counter this, I made myself think that I was really not made for that or born for that, although I can safely say singing is one of the things I am passionate about. But that would just make me feel sadder. I was supposed to perform or sing in a band for Korea, for China and for Dubai. Those were 3 different incidences that I was chosen to sing in a band for hotels in these three countries. But because my Papa did not allow me to go , I ended up regretting what could have probably been one of my most happiest events of my life.
Now, I will never know.
So, by singing to Karaokes like Smule, I get to reminisce how it’s like to sing once more. Of course, singing live is different from singing in a place where you have to control your voice not to wake up your kids.But nevertheless, the moments when I feel so free just to sing my heart out, sans the noise on the background my children make when I sing, and trying to contain my voice so as not to alert my neighbors, is definitely that moment when I felt so happy. I’d say singing is something that makes everything right, when everything else I am doing seems wrong.
But as long as there’s something you know that nourishes your soul, you just have to do it. When you do what your heart wants, you can never go wrong.
Meanwhile, here’s some of my favorite recordings. It’s not perfect, but I like it.